by: Reigene Eugenio
Ten Years of Ordeal
(A decade of depression)
The Prelude
It all started when I got pulled out from our elite group and was placed into another department at my work, at the only company in the U.S. that I worked for.
The Company, Komagnetics, Inc., a strong giant in the manufacture of computer hard discs, was doing so well during its pioneering years, until year 1998 when all things swiftly collapsed and started falling apart for the company.
As part of its recovery effort, the company was forced to cutoff their workforce through a massive employee layoffs, and relocating some that were lucky enough to stay with them into different departments.
I happened to be one of the not so lucky enough cause I was moved to a department where job was really a "torment".. I barely get a break, and even rarely get my lunch on time.. mostly lunch was not until 3 or 4 PM due to tons of loads of work that our group had to go through each day. It was a full 180 turnaround of the work group where I used to work with and got pulled out from.. our company's dedicated Robotics group.. where we are "modestly" known as ROBOTECHs.. A distinctive title given to a select few with exceptional excellence on their quality of work.. uhh, ehemm... ♫♫♫♫COKE ko to Commercial
"eto ang beat sabay sabay..."
I deteriorated to a point I can not hold on
Stunned and overwhelmed, I continued to work hard every single day that I gradually drained due to exhaustion. I labor and harbor that it felt that I was in hell.
I became weak, that I could barely get up early each morning and unable to report for work on time. The company started to notice it. My supervisor kept me despite of my late reports at work. I was doing all my best for them at the time.. even to the very extent that my depression syndrome was really kicking off the hell out of me.
My immediate superiors, my sup, manager, and a few HR staffs, finally decided to discuss with me my case. They had no more options left but to lay me off from work yet still promised to offer me referral supports to other employers. Surprisingly, that was the only time they approached me. So, out of pride, I decided to quit instead. Even to the point that I will not get any form of benefit from them for doing so, and would not even get any supplemental income from the government as well. Not to mention, that too concluded my ten year term of good service with them.. Which added up to my desolution and weighed in to my already struggling depression.
Despite all these, I strived to recover.. at my weakest state. Even came to a point that I seek out refuge to strangers.. people that were associated to vices, In seek of a temporary escape and hope that somehow I would get relief of my struggles. I had faith in myself that I could take care of this eventually. Yet things did not turn out well. I even thought things got out of hand as there were even times they all say that I became so strange and that, I even had no or little recollection of it, whatsoever. In my own term... ‘I went through hell’.
A BAD JOKE BUT REALLY FUNNY... LOL!!!
THE SUCCEEDING YEARS AFTER
I decided to leave U.S. and wanted to start over. Sold my share of the House we bought, my car, my stocks, & other properties. I went back to Manila on 2000. I figured this is where I would make my attempt for recovery. I felt I had to. Firstly, I knew it will be tough for me to get over with whatever troubles that I got into. Secondly, I didn’t want any in the family to be affected and will have to go through with my ordeals.
It was tough and torture. It was another ordeal. I have to survive from day to day and deal with my traumas and hurdled through it while facing a new hurdle to survive. In that same token, knowing that I’m also being so cursed, going through tortures for a decade now by a certain group I not know of and rather not mention.. It’s too complicated. They are still with me up to this very moment you are reading this. And thus, going into detail of it, would only confuse anyone reading this narration, that I am somewhat insane and just making up things. So I’ll leave that offline.
I concluded, regardless of what, I have to survive, anyway.. by all means. My journey to Manila had a purpose. For me to recover and survive, and hope that I will. As the saying goes “even to the extent I have to pass through a hole of a needle”.
I put up some business. A computer shop & internet café to start with, a sports bar that never achieved its goal (that is to have a live band concerts, pool tables, internet café & chat areas, and a bar lounge where one could hang out and socialize). Then another internet café’ for a rebound but did not last long as well. And finally a poultry in a very remote world, so I could finally get rid of all the bad and wrong impressions they all threw about me.. I just had enough.
hmmmp!
BUILDING MY COZY PYRAMID COVE
Carefully engineered it with the best calculation I could arrive to mimic the most perfect ancient Pyramid in Egypt.. THE PYRAMID OF GIZA. Each face of the triangles has to incline at exactly 51.85°.. The carpenters refused to cut the angles.. they just don't know how to.. LOL! With a saw on hand I cut through those super hard titanium like lumbers myself, to see to it the angles of the cuts are correct. I even mallet, saw, and helped out in the lifting of its roofs.
The year old logs are known to harden so much as it dries up over time. You would bend every 6 inch nails that you would hummer into it, and will not go through. Added to that, I could barely bend my hip and knees due to scorching pains. At night, when everybody is back on their own respective homes, I am left all alone again in the dark, in my cove, with minimal light in the vicinity at the middle of the night with only chicken, frog, and insects to talk to.. and guess what, they all talked back at me, all night!.. wheew! hahahah!!!Two and a half long years.. it felt a ceaseless eternal. The poultry was not productive as expected. I finally gave it up. Went back to Manila again to find another luck.. with nothing to spare and so little in my pocket. Went places to places. Tried to find people who owe me, yet all end up to no avail [till to his date]. Seeking refuge to other friends to find accommodation. I really ran out of medicine. And I barely get a decent lunch anymore. Hurdled through it while barely getting a little earning.. I don't even have enough for my medicine. Not to mention for almost over a year already I always fell short of my medicine supplies. I skipped most it. But well, long at last, my face trauma finally went to a full recovery. Well, still with the exception of the scorching pains on my hips and knees that got so deteriorated and had been eating me over the years till to this date.
Part of my worries was the quantity of payments required of me by the country for the extension fees that I wasn’t able to keep up. I had no resources… I've used up all my retirement funds. Finally found a friend and offered help. Thanks at last it was finally resolved. Followed by the continued support of my relatives here in the U.S.. Subsidized my transportation, accommodation, and so on. And helped out resolve my medical problems. I am finally back to U.S.
oops! BREAK uleeehh...
eto si YABANG tumawid.. ahihih!!
THE SURGERIES
Sept. 17, 2007The QUEST for the Cure here AT LAST....
Santa Clara Valley Medical Center (SCVMC) Orthopaedics’ diagnosed my Hip & Knee problems… a physician came to me and said, I will need a TOTAL HIP REPLACEMENT (THR). Both sides of my hips have shown excessive deformation.
The primary cause of my injuries all boiled down to one of the side effects of a steriod that was used for the treatment of my face. The Prednison. An anti-inflammatory steroid that is known for its curing characteristics, yet also known for its harmful side effects if not managed carefully. Since our hips carries most of our weight, although they are known to be the strongest among the bones that we all have, they are the most vulnerable for the prednison’s side effects due to our normal physical activities.
Fear of the surgery, I browsed through every detail of it that I could avail of in the web. Imagine if your Pelvic bone, a massive humungous major component of our hip, would be taken out of our body and replaced by a substitute material such as a Steel or Ceramic. Whoah!.. that is totally bizarre!! I could not imagine myself being a vegetable!
The procedure, actually, as oppose to what I thought, a Total Hip Replacement doesn’t actually mean that our Pelvis would be totally taken out from our hips. It’s the femur (the head on our thigh bone’s upper joint) and the acetabula (the cup on our pelvis that holds the femur head) are the ones that are actually to be replaced.
eto matindi..
Asian Kid Remastered TIKO keyboard
OCTOBER 17, 2007
I Then lately, began noticing.. what in the world to find myself so hooked up with my relationship to the internet. Maybe because for one I found a place here a cure to my depression, and a place to express myself and perhaps make sense. I even developed a passion for noontime shows, and even teleserye [Filipino dramas], of which I thought was baduy![or Corny] Now, I would even cry ahead in tears before their casts would do so. gosh! and so i thought, is this part of the syndrome? whatever it is, it kinda help.
Lastikman [a filipino fiction hero likened to a rubber: a role now being played by Vhong Navarro].. Sometimes I wished ako nalang c lastikman.. para di ko na kelangan operahan [I wish that I’m Lastikman so I wont need the operation]. But still, I love robots, and now they’r gonna make me like one of them. But I figured, these r the wonders of science. Kaya, buti na lng pala.. coz we cud never be like Lastikman anyway..
I found interest listenning to radio station KQED, the award-winning Forum hosted by Mickael Krasny, Ph.D., every 9-10am weekdays. With topics ranging from current events, technology, politics, etc.. His guests are top rank, young, fresh novellists, reporters, tech crunch, etc! They r so inspiring. Sometimes I wish I am also a writer. I am soo envious of them. coz I’m not so good at expressing my thoughts.FORUM WITH MICHAEL KRAZNY
KQED Website
February 02, 2008 2:30pm
hmm... a real inspiration come to rescue my poor grief stricken soul ..
a beautiful princess from afar.. and hoping to meet her sometime.. soon! :]
FACING THE SURGERY... The most awaited time.
and this FOR REAL..
and for a fact.. that I hope those friends of mine who were so dear to me at times when my help was needed most, yet now are so reluctant & have been so neglectful of my appeal of what they still owe me will now have their conscience, for if not of their unwellingness to repay me I wouldn't have gone this far..
"We have an unfinished business!!"
"Salamat na lang" to all my truest friends who inspired me and kept me motivated, to my relatives for their unrelenting support, & for the spirits of all the people who cared to visit & viewed this blog & left me with an inspiration. Thank you..
August 02, 2008
Finally, I am pre-scheduled for a TOTAL HIP ARTHROPLASTY with my new Orthopedist, Dr. Bruce R. Huffer, MD.. at O'Connor Medical Hospital on August 25th, 2008..
November 2008
ALASSS!!! now FREE from crutches!
the new hip is a lot better than the original.
ASERO is now my new TV Hero.. heheh!
OBAMA Elected November 2008
THE INTERVIEW
George Bush on a JOB hunt..
December 27, 2008
bound to meet my meow..
on my birthday!... howahhh!!!
Before the surgery Pics...
Skiing at SIERRA TAHOE with the boys!
My second Surgery
Total Knee Arthroplasty
do I have stitches??
February 11, 2010
A HYMN IN THE CHURCH
Hymn 07
I WILL WALK IN YOUR LIGHT
Here in my heart, I pray
Help me to walk each day
Father of mine.
Never to stray afar,My place is where You are,
Safe in Your love divine
Father of mine.
May I not live in vain,
But let my deeds proclaim
Your will be done.
Guided by Your commands,
My life is in Your Hands,
That as Your chosen one,
Your will be done.
Serving contendly,
Dutiful I shall be,
Father of Mine
To finish this, my course
My heart will follow Yours
Until the end of time
Father of mine.
Amen.
February 11, 2010
This video is dedicated to the staff of Life House Health Care Facility,
especially to the PT/OT group who attended to my speedy recovery..
Reigene's video: "do I have stitches?"
music theme: "Bruises" from Chairlift..
One of my Fave: kimmy's dentist & cookies
February 15, 2010
I've been taking CAD and Revit classes since I got back here in U.S.. and now looking at taking Interior Design and some Digital Media.. that would mean another 2 years of work for a certificate. Employment has really gone stiff nowadays..
August 2010 to present..
Cruciating pain on my right eye. Feels like a needle peircing that goes through my brain. an effect of my head trauma which also resulted to a bells palsy on my right face, and from a known side effect of prednison on my vision. First eye surgery performed September 2010.
